Theme

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

laurosnes:

more celebrities should donate blood like could you imagine having the blood of meryl streep running through your veins

latteos:

latteos:

I just walked past someone really hot lord help me

It was a mirror. Self confidence is key kids

curiosamathematica:

The Google trend for the search query “quadratic formula”.
It repeats in the same pattern every year. Down in summer, up in September, down again in December and up again in spring time before going down again in the summer. And so it goes on forever.

curiosamathematica:

The Google trend for the search query “quadratic formula”.

It repeats in the same pattern every year. Down in summer, up in September, down again in December and up again in spring time before going down again in the summer. And so it goes on forever.

volanus:

gay4zayn:

it’s so cute how 5 seconds of summer named themselves after their career span

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kanyewestevil:

schools have stairs so you can throw yourselves down them

sherrocked:

My little sister is a really pretty girl and she gets dick pics all the time from annoying boys, so being the girl she is, she started using them as blackmail.
She now has about 30 boys doing her bidding because one stepped out of line and she got someone to print out 500 copies of the photo and mailed it to his family.

My sister is 16 and she’s running a black mail Mafia.
She’s going places.

crazyeasy:

Finally a sunscreen for me. A manly man. A real man’s man. Thank god a sunscreen I can finally use. I have been getting sunburnt my whole life waiting for this. Can’t use the other feminized sunscreens. Can’t risk losing my man card. Finally. Sunscreen in a black bottle. FOR MEN.

crazyeasy:

Finally a sunscreen for me. A manly man. A real man’s man. Thank god a sunscreen I can finally use. I have been getting sunburnt my whole life waiting for this. Can’t use the other feminized sunscreens. Can’t risk losing my man card. Finally. Sunscreen in a black bottle. FOR MEN.

thatfunnyblog:

Best $1.85 I have ever spent.

fairytrainer:

fairytrainer:

btw in case yous have slept on this - there is an amazing tv show that exists on this earth called I Wanna Marry Harry where they’ve tricked a group of american girls into thinking they’re on a dating show competing for the heart of Prince Harry and it’s fucking phenomenal 

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herpsichord:

A gem from the car museum.

youaintshitok:

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.

That makes it a plant.

Chocolate is salad.